Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Time lost

Ever since I saw the last episode of the Biggest Loser, where Jillian stated that “scale does not lie,” and that certain trainers' claims that one can be loosing inches, if not pounds, is "bulls$%t", I've been slightly concerned about my own progress. Is scale really that accurate (I have a real nice one, it's see through…)?? Could all the time I spent doing cardio be annulled by my occasional indulgence in something that actually tastes good? This morning I felt particularly light, and decided it's time to measure my progress. And there was none.

Two weeks into this, and I only managed not to get any bigger. I see two possible solutions:

(i) Despair. This one has obvious benefits, as I could have all my favorite foods and not feel any worse for eating them, for I am in the state of utter desperation and can be comforted only by various delicacies. A possible shortcoming of this alternative is that I could gain more weight, thus making it even harder to reach my weight-related goals. Turning 40 and weighing 240 would be somewhat depressing…

(ii) Assess the situation at hand; learn from the mistakes of the past two weeks, and … do what? Clearly, I need Jillian to guide me. (I also need Bob, but I see him in a less advisory and more, hmmm, affection-providing role).

I am considering jump-starting my efforts (only three weeks until my trip to Florida!) by ordering EverCleanse. This product, in essence, promises the user the best s$%t ever! Pounds can be shaded by one glorious poop, and that would certainly create a momentum necessary to motivate me to persevere in my struggle. Once I relief myself of the unnecessary burden of colonic deposits, the new found lightness should improve my cardio performance! Starting today, I pledge to break sweat once a day every day before my Miami trip (and with some luck, it will be hot enough over there that I can keep my daily perspiration going even without the struggles associated with exercising).

This brings us to food… Which I love. Dearly.

Since my last entry, I only had a couple of real food-related failures:

1. I had a bag of (healthy) chips while watching the Biggest Loser. And last Tuesday was my good day, very lean, consciencious meals for breakfast, lunch and (almost) dinner.

2. Almost a full bag of roasted unsalted (!) hazelnuts. From a wonderfully well-supplied Italian store in Chelsea Markets. Where I also purchased various jars of honey with proven health, if not weight loss, benefits.

Aahhh… All this food-related contemplation made me a bit hungry. More on my diet plans later.

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