Thursday, January 29, 2009

Beach Anxiety Cured

I mentioned already that in one month exactly I will have to expose my figure on the beaches of Ft. Lauderdale, and perhaps even South Beach. Although my diet and exercise much improved since the last weekend (how could it get any worse, right?), one month is practically a week from now, especially if one is not using performance enhancing substances of the non-aging type. And I am not, because they are expensive, and made in China, and with my luck I'd get a case of hot dog fingers which would truly be devastating. Or a kidney stone, which could be weight-loss beneficial, but is also reported to be very painful.

My friend Tom, fortunately, found the answer: Sculptees! (FN1)

- Evening wear:

The timeless black T-shirt with a twist (black, so already slimming!). (FN2)
My muffin top may get a little bruised, but that's a small price to pay in order to look slim and beautiful (and not only inside, but outside too!)

- Day wear:

I am certain to slip into this lovely inconspicuous tank top:

I do realize that this is a bit more complicated, because we are talking Florida here, beach, speedos. But there is a genius solution: it comes in nude!!

Okay, somebody may notice, especially on the beach. In Ft. Lauderdale, however, no one will dare. They are all fat there anyway. I'd even hope for some attention and interest from the locals, but for my lack of body hair.

On a regular day, South Beach would be another story. During the Winter Party, however, no one will notice! High on life and else, everyone will just see me for a slim, well proportioned individual that I am (if not at this very moment). And think of savings on the sun protection products. All I have to do is to draw belly button and a pair of nipples (some tattoos if I feel creative) and I am set!

Tom - this is what the friends are for. Thank you.

Now that my beach anxiety is under control, I may even skip a desert this evening!

FN1: I cite: The Sculptees is a revolutionary new product, lightweight, breathable undergarment for men. Designed to look just like a regular underwear, this seamless mesh knit Sculptees underwear smoothes out fatty bulges and creates a sleek appearance. The unique knitting technology on the Sculptees underwear offers compression without constriction, making it the ultimate body shaping undergarment for men.

FN2: readily available here:

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